Entry 1: I want to start writing journal entries every once in a while. It helps me put things into perspective and maybe someone can relate. I have made plans this week and later realized that I don’t want to leave my bed. I am working on rekindling some friendships that I left behind because of this problem. But I find myself doing this a lot lately. Making plans that I don’t really want to keep up with sadly. Part of me wants to go but I big part of me doesn’t want to make the effort. I really wish that I didn’t have this problem because it usually leaves me lonely in the end. I can’t tell if it is out of being lazy or out of fear of something. This person is really nice but I guess I am afraid of failing and them thinking I am boring. But I don’t want to put in the effort because I feel like I can’t be as perfect as I want to be. I also see this happening with getting a job. I want the job but I’m afraid of something. I don’t think this fear will go away until I get a job. I don’t know yet what it is about jobs that scare me. I need one but my anxiety is holding me back. I’m really good at giving advice to others but then it’s hard for me to take my own advice or even give myself advice at all. These blogs do help. I take the advice that I managed to give. That is the only way my blogs will help me. If I look at it as giving advice instead of myself. June 19, 2019
Entry 2: July 28, 2019 Iv’e been getting a lot of advice from people lately. Advice about how I should feel and who I should aspire to be. Their advice sounds so profound and filled with a wisdom I can not see. I don’t use their type of advice because I don’t understand what it means or how to follow through unless it’s in a language I can understand. Someone give me an instruction manual to life LOL. I guess I don’t really like others giving advice unless I asked. Then it will just feel like they see flaws I don’t see. No one ever feels good about someone pointing out new flaws about you. Other wise I feel just fine. I think I’ve finally found what I want to do with my life. I’m getting so close, only a few more years of college stress and I’m where I want to be. Takes a little struggle to get the finer things in life right? HAHA hope no one looks at these. If you do give a like to stress me out LOL. No worries though. Thanks for reading this journal that comes straight from my thoughts.
An introverts Blog 